I've Lost My Fear Of Falling

IS IT BECAUSE WE’RE COMING TO SEE YOU SOON?? :D:D:D

PARTLY. I AM VERY EXCITED FOR FRIDAY, YOU CAN’T COMPREHEND. :D :D :D :D :D :D :D

But there’re some negative emotions in there, too, which - quick happily - aren’t to do with your impending visit. I’ll get over it, as excitement comes first. ^_^

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There’s a video posted up by my favourite club featuring my very drunk boyfriend singing in the background while our friend was being interviewed to win a Korn T-shirt. I’m actually dying, it’s hysterical. xD

In other news, I apologise for my lack of activity on here recently. Been swamped with work, friends, the boyfriend and the like, I just haven’t had time. Ahhhhhhh, life at uni is crazy!

Anonymous asked: im sure urll be the first girl thats ever been lied to by a guy

Nice to know you have faith in my choices, Anon.

Anonymous asked: Sounds like you're being played hard.

Not sure what he’s playing for, as all we really do is talk and hold hands, but whatever. He was the one openly crying when discussing breaking up with me. And personally, as I’m pretty sure that I know Simon better than you do, I don’t believe he’s the type of guy to do that. He’s just one of those genuinely nice guys who tries to make friends with everyone he meets, and I don’t think he has it in him to do that to me.

Not all guys are players, and I just don’t think he is one. But hey, if he is and I’m proved wrong, then he’ll’ve let more people down than just me, coz everyone I know who’s met him has told me that he’s lovely, too. Yeah, I’ll hurt for a while, of course it will, but it’ll nothing new. It’s not often I’m as happy as I am now, so if I return to the sadness then I’m already used to it.

Anonymous asked: are you and him just friends now? :( xxx

See my last reply to Anon the Third (it’s a long one, which is why it took so long!) as it has the answer you seek. :)

Anonymous asked: What happened with Simon? Is everything okay? Keep us posted! D: We care!

I’m sorry for keeping you waiting and possibly causing distress, by the way. I’ve just been rather distracted. I don’t know who you are, Anon(s), but thank you for caring. Means a lot. :) Anyway, Anons the Second and Third, here is Part the Second. :) 

The story continues! We saw each other today whilst walking around the uni (honestly, we neverbumped into each other whilst we were together and it happens twice when we’re not; I think the universe was trying to tell us something) but only had time to share a few words before we were each whisked off to lectures. It was less awkward than Monday, but more so than Tuesday. I still hadn’t heard from him which direction our relationship was going (were we still lovers, lovers on a break, or just friends?) so I assumed the latter. It’s what he’d initially said on Sunday, after all, and after having stayed up three nights in a row crying I decided to just bite the bullet and realise that we were over.

So I did. I went onto the dreaded Facebook and changed my relationship status back to “single”. It hurt, but I did it just before band practice so that my bandmates could cheer me up. (It worked. They’re awesome guys. :) )

A few hours later, though, I received a text from Simon querying my status change. He wondered what it meant, and whether I thought we weren’t in a relationship as such, or if it meant that I didn’t want to try and make it work anymore – as we’d discussed on Sunday. He ended it with a sadface and a kiss – the first since Saturday, which looked like a forward step. So I replied telling him that of course I wanted to see if it would work, but as he hadn’t confirmed what we were doing I assumed that we were now “just friends”. And he replied saying that he does want to make it work, but that he doesn’t know what approach to take to it and doesn’t feel capable of making that decision right now because – and here’s the rub – he’s been feeling really unhappy recently and making big decisions are pulling him down.

It’s my fault, really, that I forgot about his bipolar disorder… He told me weeks ago that he’s bipolar, and right now he’s in a low stage – to do with university workload and friends and life in general, rather than “us”. I should have realised, really: he hasn’t been smiling right since I got back from Reading Week.

So he basically said that he thinks he needs a break for a while just because it’s all so overwhelming (moving so quickly and missing time with friends and everything we discussed on Sunday), but he really does want to find a way to make it work and just isn’t in the right frame of mind right now to think about how. He was just worried that I no longer did after seeing my status change.

I assured him that he has no need to worry, as I’m happy to give him as much time as he needs because I love him and don’t want him to suffer more, you know? I made sure he’s perfectly clear that I’m always an ear to listen, a shoulder to cry on, and so on. As a friend and a girlfriend, it’s in my job description. And I also decided to take charge and make a suggestion about which approach we take with our relationship, just to take the major decision out of his hands. He still has a “yes or no” decision to make, but hopefully it won’t be as difficult as a “should we do this, this, this, this, or this?” decision. Now that I know that he doesn’t want our relationship to end, I’m hoping he’ll choose the “yes” option – but even the “no” option isn’t so bad, as it doesn’t involve us breaking up. :)

So there you are, Anons. The full tale of my week’s relationship journey. :) 

Anonymous asked: How did it go with the boyfriend?

Right, as I haven’t been on here since Sunday (on the computer, at least), I’m going to take this question as about Tuesday and the next about today – as although I didn’t post about today, Important Things happened. It shall be a two part answer, Anons the Second and Third, as you both have similar questions. :)

So, Tuesday went well, tbh. We met for coffee as planned and just talked for 45 minutes or so until he went to his lecture. We didn’t talk about our relationship, though, just about random things. Mainly friends, clubs, music… the stuff we normally talk about, really.

I was taking Tuesday primarily as a day to get our friendship back on track, see, as that was one of the things I truly loved about our relationship: we texted each other all the time just to chat, and spent much of our time together just talking about anything and everything. We had a great friendship on top of a wonderful relationship, and we both realised that, which is why he wanted us to stay friends. To lose a lover is one thing; to lose a friend is another.

So I didn’t bring up the state of our relationship and neither did he, which meant that we could just talk naturally together. I wanted to make sure we could be comfortable around one another as just friends, as this is where the relationship was headed. It was… okay, I guess.  I mean, talking was much the same as always, but I missed being able to hold his hand, and just sharing those “moments” that couples get sometimes, and being able to hug him whenever I wanted. And it hurt, too: it felt like I was living without my heart until I saw him, and it suddenly just leapt in my chest again. But I couldn’t do anything.

When we parted ways, however, I did get a hug. It was much appreciated, as hugs always are, but I had to ask for it just because I wasn’t sure on our status and wasn’t sure if hugging was off the menu. Coz we’d run into each other on the street on Monday afternoon – which was a little awkward, but nothing too horrific – and had gone our separate ways without a hug, so I figured it was best to ask. He was smiling as we pulled back, though, which was nice – the first I’d seen on his face for a while, actually. So that gave me hope for the future. :)